Ode to the Godess of River Luo

Ode to the Godess of River Luo

江帆 -
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翩若惊鸿，婉若游龙。荣曜秋菊，华茂春松。仿佛兮若轻云之蔽月，飘飖兮若流风之回雪。远而望之，皎若太阳升朝霞；迫而察之，灼若芙蓉出渌波 。

Yesterday we appreciated  a segment quoted from a masterpiece of Chinese literature, "Ode to the Godess of River Luo" and found that its literal translation in English can hardly convey the beauty of the original, for the reproduction of the images may not arouse any sense of beauty in the target readers. Therefore, rewriting might be a better choice.  We hold a discussion here and I'm looking forward to your wonderful rewriting of the segment.


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梁力乔梁力乔 -
Light and graceful like startled swan and flying dragon,
More flourishing and beaitiful than spring pine and autumn chrysanthemum.
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the whistling wind.
Shining like sun rising from morning mists gazing far,
Flaming as the lotus-flower topping the wave viewing near.
姓名：梁力乔 学号：0213100937
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李艺李艺 -
The reason why it is difficult, if not impossible, to translate the verse into English without denting its charm is rooted in the cultural or even geographical difference. When I first saw this line in 甄嬛传, I was mesmerized by it before I truly figured out what it means. Because, unlike ordinary description of female beauty that simply states physical appearance, this literal piece is riddled with sophisticated parallels that spark wild imagination by building a heaven-like context. The caveat is that those images only apply to Chinese people who have grown used to those symbols and their implications. Foreigners, on the other hand, may find literal rendition bewildering.

Likewise, what strike westerners as stunning might come as unfounded for us Chinese, even though they both attempt to express female beauty. One example is the following excerpt taken from Lolita:

"Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita."

李艺 0213701020
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左定昌左定昌 -
Her silhouette, light like a flying wild goose, graceful like a swimming dragon.
Her face, radiant like an autumn chrysanthemum; her body, luxuriant like a spring pine.
From time to time, appearing and disappearing, she’s the light cloud that hides the moon; floating and drifting, she’s the wind that blows the falling snow.
By far, she is as bright as the rising sun in the morning glow; nearby, she is as beautiful as a new blooming lotus upon green waves.

左定昌 0213701099
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孙浩彦孙浩彦 -
Graceful like a flitting swan, she is elegant like a dragon in flight.
Blooming like the chrysanthemum in Autumn, she flourishes like a Spring rose.
Mysterious like the moon shrouded by a thin mist, she is capricious like the snowflakes drifting in the wind.
From afar, her dazzles with the glamor of the rising sun; up close, she invigorates with the vitality of a budding lotus.

I have chosen to retain the word dragon from the literal translation provided in class. While the Western dragon does bring to mind a rather vile, grotesque image, I believe that the dragon from Chinese culture is well-known enough to the Western audience of today that anyone who approaches this text/translation with the knowledge that it originates from an ancient Chinese poem would be able to appreciate the implicit grace and elegance associated with the term. I have indeed tried to draw a similar metaphor from Western culture and the closest I was able to get was “elegant like a cat”. Clearly, there is a drastic difference between the imagery conjured up from a Westerner’s reading of a cat and a Chinese reader’s understanding of a dragon. In fact, I do believe that the dragon is such an important symbol in Chinese culture that it is similar to the topics of Yin/Yang and the five elements discussed in class. Without an understanding of these ideas, it would be difficult if not impossible to truly appreciate Chinese culture. For any Western reader approaching a text as difficult as this one, I feel it is necessary for them to gain a preliminary understanding of Chinese cultural symbols as basic and essential as that of the Chinese dragon. The usage of chrysanthemum as a symbol of beauty follows the same reasoning.

I have switched out the other words used in the literal translation which may be deemed to be inappropriate or unfitting to the theme of the poem. Contrary to the reasoning outlined above, I do not believe that the pine tree retains much use in contemporary Chinese literature as an object of beauty or feminine characteristics. In fact, I think if a contemporary Chinese writer uses pine tree as a metaphor for a beautiful woman, even a Chinese reader will find it baffling. As such, I have switched the metaphor to the rose, a comparison the Western audience is much more accustomed to. Certain words such as soar, startled, dim, mantled, restless, and flame may be correct on a word for word basis, but clearly does not convey the original intention of the poem. In fact, they are often viewed with negative connotations that interfere with the readers’ understanding of the passage. The “Gazed far off from a distance” and “Press closer to examine” phrases are far too cumbersome and serves no real purpose. I have also found the verb sparkle to be a rather strange description for a Goddess and have chosen to change these parts of the translation. The only line that I found unsatisfactory but was unable to change was the last line with the imagery of the lotus flower. I was unable to come up with a suitable substitute and settled for the use of the word “budding” to hint at the author’s impression of the plant and the reasons behind his use of the metaphor to inform unaware Western readers.

姓名：孙浩彦 学号：0213701043
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王晓文王晓文 -
She moves elegantly like a flapping swan;
dynamically, like a flying dragon.
She looks radiant like a chrysanthemum basking in the autumn sun;
gorgeous, like a pine tree bathing in the spring breeze.
With a vague outline,
she appears in the dark like the moon hiding behind drifting clouds,
floating and dancing like a snowflake swirling in the wind.
In the distance,
she ignites the rosy dawn like the sun, shining and pure;
with a closer look,
she emerges as a lotus flower, dazzling and bright.

王晓文 0213701062
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罗舒维 -
Her figure is like a flying swan goose and a swimming dragon. Glowing like chrysanthemums in autumn, full of body like pines in spring breeze.
She is like a light cloud caging the moon from time to time, floating and wandering like returning air and spinning snow. Looking at it from afar, it is as bright as the rising sun in the morning glow; Looking at it closely, it is as beautiful as a new lotus bursting between green waves.

罗舒维 0213701092
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鲍瑾鲍瑾 -
Her figure breezes along
Swans spread the wings for flight,
So graceful and elegant
A dragon stays in deep pond.
Her face shimmers under the sun
Shining as golden flowers in autumn days,
A well-rounded figure, rosy cheeks
Radiate the vigor of spring.
She is the moon hidden by clouds
Showing mysterious beauty every now and then,
She is the snowflake dancing in the air
Spiraling, swirling, freewheeling.
Looking from afar,
She is the sun in rosy dawn
Dazzles me with her glow.
Gazing for long,
She is the lotus newly coming into blossom
Charms me with her loveliness.
鲍瑾 0213700949
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高艳高艳 -
Chinese ancient essays and poems often try to build certain kinds of atmosphere, and leave great room for the readers to imagine and taste the thoughts on the minds of the writers and poets. However, western authors tend to express directly. Such traditions have endured for generations and generations, and formed essential parts in our cultures, so we Chinese and western readers have developed different mindsets and different tastes in term of appreciating literature. When it comes to translating Chinese literature into English, I think it would be great if we can translate the form and cultural significance conveyed both at the same time. But if it is not possible, we can point out the subtle deeper meaning of our Chinese poems to make sure English-speaking readers understand the real meaning. What’s more, for the different understandings of the same symbol in Chinese and English, I also argue that we keep the symbols and point out the symbolistic meaning of them directly in our Chinese culture to help the foreign readers to understand. According to this principle, I have made several slight modifications to the original translation.

Her body soars lightly like a startled swan, yet elegant still,
Gracefully, like a noble divine dragon in flight,
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum,
In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring;
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds, mysterious and attractive,
Drifting as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance;
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Press closer to examine:
She shines like the lotus flower topping the clear wave.

姓名：高艳 学号：0213701030
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王传砚 -

I have never missed a single one of her gestures:
The movement of her braids, or the flight of her hands;
The smile that lends me the light of my life, or the breeze I’m bathing as she walks by.
It’s not the moon hiding behind a cloud;
It’s her, my Selene, who makes me breathe aloud.
Without her ice-cold I felt; then she came with a sigh, and the snow started to melt.
One look at her draws rays of the golden sun;
As I approach, my eyes are embracing a full blossom.

This masterpiece reminds me of She Walks in Beauty, Lolita, and Love in the Time of Cholera, so I borrowed some descriptions. 

王传砚  0213701070

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王庆伦王庆伦 -
Her figure is elegant as a swan taking wing,
And mysterious as a diving serpent.
Glowing like blossoms in autumn,
And graceful like pines in spring.
She looms and disappears,
like a light cloud hiding the moon;
She dances and floats,
like a returning of wind and snow.
Looking from a distance,
She is as brilliant as the rising sun in the morning glow;
When appreciated close,
She is as fresh as a new lotus blooming among green waves.

王庆伦 0213701017
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梁雅妍梁雅妍 -
She is as graceful as a flying goose, as graceful as a swimming dragon.
She glows like a chrysanthemum in the autumn sun, and her body is as lush as a pine in the spring breeze.
She appears and disappears like a light cloud over the moon, and floats and drifts like a whirlwind of snow.
From afar, she is as bright and clean as the rising sun in the sunset;
up close, she is as fresh as a new lotus blooming between green waves.

梁雅妍 0213701106
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任梦想任梦想 -
Her silhouette, light like a flying wild goose, graceful like a swimming dragon.
Her appearance, radiant like the chrysanthemum in autumn.
Her body, luxuriant like a spring pine.
From time to time,
appearing and disappearing,
she's like the light cloud that hides the moon;
floating and drifting,
she's like the wind that blows the falling snow.
From afar, she is as bright as the sunrise in the morning glow;
nearby, she is as beautiful as a new blooming lotus upon green waves.

姓名：任梦想 学号：0213701105
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梁玮航梁玮航 -
Her figure is like a flying wild goose, graceful like a swimming loong.
Her face is radiant like a chrysanthemum in the autumn, and her body, as luxuriant as a pine in the spring breeze.
From time to time, she appears like a light cloud enveloping a moon, and floats like a whirling wind and snow.
Looking from a distance, she is as bright as the rising sun in the morning glow; when looking closer, she is as beautiful as a new lotus blooming among green waves.

梁瑋航 學號0213701098
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瞿甫瞿甫 -
She has limbs as nimble as a vigorous swan, and a body as soft as a swimming nymph.
Her cheeks radiate with the glow of a sunflower in full bloom, and her sensual bodyshape resemble a lush pine tree in spring.
As invisible every now and then as a bright moon temporarily shaded in clouds, she moves with the agility of snowflakes whirling in wind.
From a view at a distance, she feels like a radiant sun on the rise, while close up she is as lily-white as a lotus flower newly in blossom out of the lucid water.

瞿甫  0213701029
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刘翾 -
She moves as lightly as a flying swan, as brilliantly as a dragon in flight. In splendor as bright as a flower in autumn; in bloom as graceful as a dancing willow in spring. Her gentle movements are like, the moon surrounded by filmy clouds and the whirling snow in the wind. Looked afar, the rising sun amid the morning glow she is; gazed closely, the lotus flower from the green wave.
姓名：刘翾 学号：0213100936
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郭亨玉郭亨玉 -
Moving like a fleeting swan goose, she is as graceful as a dragon in flight.
A blooming chrysanthemum in the autumn days, a flourishing pine in the spring breeze.
Like the moon hidden behind light clouds, her blurry figure waving as a snowflake in the wind.
Looking from a far distance, she is the rising sun in the morning glow.
Stepping closer, she is a vibrant budding lotus among clear waves.
郭亨玉 0213701053
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刘昱汝刘昱汝 -
Her body was light as that of a flying swan, and graceful as a whale swimming in the ocean. Her face shines like maple leaves in autumn, with figure buxom as a pine in spring breeze. She was now seen and then hidden like the moon covered by the light clouds, floating like snow whirled in returning wind. Looked from far away, she was bright as the sun rise from the morning clouds. Gazed at close, she was fresh as a new lotus blooming between clear waves.

刘昱汝 0213700991
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包舒杨包舒杨 -
When she flies, my heart leaps.
When she stands still, I hold my breath.
Her face is peaches and cream, which I dare not to taste a bit.
I cannot see her clearly as there seems to be a mist between us.
But somehow I can see her clearly with my eyes shut.
If I look at her from a distance, I see rosy dawn at sunrise.
If I get closer, I believe the sun would never set.
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蒋丛蔚蒋丛蔚 -
She moves in a brisk and graceful manner, with glowing face and ample figure. Sometimes she is screened by her surroundings and sometimes not, just as the bright moon by clouds. Lithe and gentle, she is like snowflakes floating in the air. From the distance, she shines like the sun rising in the morning, while closer she looks like lily in clear water.

0213700952 蒋丛蔚
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王悦王悦 -
Her figure,
light and elegant like a swan on the lake,
a mermaid swimming in the sea;
Her countenance,
bright and shining like a rose;
Her body,
white and gentle like a silk.
No one knows where she is,
For she only appears in lover's dream.
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王惠王惠 -
She,
as light as a swan in the sky,
as graceful as a dragon in the deep-sea.
Her face,
radiant like a chrysanthemum blooming in autumn,
gorgeous like dense pines in spring.
Her motion,
as light cloud covering the moon,
as the wind blowing the snowflake.
Seen from far,
bright, like the rising sun with glow in the morning;
Looking closer,
luminous, like a lotus with green waves in the pond.
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罗晓曦 -
In my opinion, there are some words inappropriately used in the literal translation of this poem. (“惊鸿”was translated into “a startled swan”, which refers to a shocked swan. “蛟龙” was translated into “a dragon”. “秋菊” was translated into “the autumn chrysanthemum”. “华茂春松”was translated into “In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring”……) I think the phenomenon is caused by the translator’s wrong understanding of some sentences and the truth that the same word has quite different images in Chinese and English. My rewritten version is as below.
Her ballon,
Light as a flying swan,
Graceful as a winding dragon.
Her face,
Radiant like flowers blooming in striking gold in autumn;
Her body,
Gorgeous like pines growing in pale green in spring.
Her silhouette,
Fading in and out as the moon wrapped in thin clouds,
Fleeting now and then like the snow twirling in gentle breeze.
Looked afar,
She is florid so that can be compared to the rising sun amid the rosy clouds of dawn;
Gazed near，
She is so tender that can be compared to the delicate lotus blooming out of clear ripples.
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叶加远 -
Light as soaring crane, elegant as roaming dragon.
Semblance of autumn chrysanthemum, figure of spring conifer.
Appearing and disappearing, misty similar to moon behind filmy cloud. Swinging and drifting, agile identical to snow in whirling wind.
Gaze from afar, gleams like aurora at dawn; approximate to stare, illuminates like lotus in pond.

Third sentence rewritten with inspiration of Zuodingchang´s version.

叶加远 0213701130
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王汉一王汉一 -
With figure light as a sky-bound swan,
Elegant as a sea-bound mermaid.
With countenance glorifying flowers blooming in Autumn,
Pines maturing in Spring.
A piece of thin cloud was she,
Comes and goes as the moon waxes and wanes.
A piece of snowflake she was,
Drifts and fleets as the wind breezes and twirls.
From afar,
Shining as the brightest sun among the rosy clouds.
Up close,
Delicate as the tenderest lotus in the center of the pond.

Bit of ashamed of my lousy translation that ruined the beautiful scenes depicted in the original poem. The ability to really appreciate the poem relies solely on the kind of language in which the poem is composed.
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孙毓孙毓 -
Her figure and shadow are as graceful as a flying goose and as graceful as a swimming dragon.
Glowing like chrysanthemums in autumn and luxuriant like pines in spring.
She looms and appears, like a light cloud cage moon, floating and floating like a return wind and snow.
Looking from a distance, it is as bright and clean as the rising sun in the morning glow;
When viewed close, it is as fresh as a new lotus blooming among green waves.
孙毓 0213700963
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赵迎汐赵迎汐 -
Graceful like a flitting swan, elegant like a flying dragon;
outshining the autumn chrysanthemums, she is brighter than the spring pine.
She appears in the dark, like the moon looming behind the cloud.
She dances in the air, like the snow swirling in the wind.

From afar, she is the sun shining in the rosy dawn.
Up close, she is the lotus getting ready to bloom.

赵迎汐，0213700980
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刘晓芸 -
Her figure moves
So briskly and elegantly
Like a swan fluttering to the sky,
And like a mermaid diving in the sea.
Her face shimmers in sunlight
As brightly as roses in summertime,
And the well-rounded body
Tells the vitality of pines in spring.
She glimmers like the moonlight
Passing through layers of thin clouds,
And dances lightly as soft flying snow.
View from afar,
She is the sun rising from the rosy dawn;
But if you look closely,
She seems to be a pure lily coming into blossom.
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ISHOLALabake Sikirat -

Her figure,
flitting like a flying swan, (OR flitting like a swan in flight,)
graceful like a moving beast.
Her face,
radiates like autumn blossoms,
Her body,
lush as the spring pine.
She hides and appears like the moon peeking in and out of thin clouds,
She dances and sways her body like the drifting snow.
Gazing from a distance,
She is the shining morning sun;
At a closer look,
She is the blooming lotus.


Notes:
  •  I am torn between "a flying swan" and "a swan in flight."
  • I translated "蛟龙" as a beast because I feel there is an underlining reason why the author used this particular type of 龙 and not any other one. I am not sure if I have the correct understanding, but I read the 蛟龙 is a kind of beast that needs to continue to push hard to become a dragon, it is also, just like the 阴阳 theory, inherently two sides "正邪." So, I choose "graceful beast" as a form of paradox.
  • Moving towards the end, I stepped out of "simile" to "standard metaphor" so as to zoom in on her elegance.


0217409024 ISHOLA Labake Sikirat (乐佳) 

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张恒张恒 -
Her figure light and fleet like flying goose in fright; her body curves in shape of swimming dragon; her complexion bright like chrysanthemum in the autumn; her bearing overcomes the beauty of spring pine. Indistinctively in the shadow, she is the moon slightly shaded by the floating cloud; in such a cheer, she resembles the dancing snow in the flow of wind. Behold afar, her brightness equals to the rising sun in the colorful clouds; approach and observe, her fairness is as fresh as lotus emerging from crystal water.
张恒 0213701055
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陈凯丽陈凯丽 -
Her figure moves.
So briskly and elegantly like a flapping swan.
Outshining the autumn chrysanthemums, she is brighter than the spring pine.
She appears in the dark, like the moon looming behind the cloud.
She dances lightly in the air, like the snow swirling in the wind.
View from afar，
She is the sun shining in the rosy dawn.
Up close,
She is the lotus getting ready to bloom.

陈凯丽 0213701087
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陈佳鑫陈佳鑫 -
Slender as a swan; elegant as a dragon
Radiant as autumn chrysanthemum; poised as pine
Shy like a clouded moon
Light like flowing snow
Shining like a rising sun
Vibrant like booming lotus
0213700989
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邱海涛邱海涛 -
No beauty could compare with the shape of her;
A slender, swan-like goddess there she lay,
Whose youth’s ev’n brighter than a spring bird’s chirp,
And no autumn nor no winter shall age her a day.

Her figure’s like a new moon cosily yawn,
And shroud’d in shades of mist; I then behold:
From afar, she beams like Phoebus’d never shone;
Drawing near, like a tender daffodil she unfolds.

-- Ode to the Goddess of River Luo

In its form, I divided the piece into two quatrains, and tried to rewrite it in iambic pentameter (clumsily) with the Shakespearean sonnet rhyme scheme (abab cdcd). As for the allusions, I didn't maintain those used in the original Chinese ode but chose to westernise some of the remaining ones. The reason behind all these is that I believe we shouldn’t be too obsessed with “spreading Chinese culture” when translating our literature – if the beauty in the words is simply impossible to convey in another language, forcing it would only twist the ode. A little westernisation may be acceptable in that case. If our westernised translation can make some of our readers interested in Chinese literature, they may find the literal translation themselves and try to sense the unique beauty of Chinese. (As in our translation should serve as a springboard for the general public to get access to the literal translation or even the Chinese original of the ode.)

邱海涛 0213700981
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刘芳雨刘芳雨 -
Lissome and graceful,
Buxom while bloom,
Like a shadow, as a dream,
Misty taste of moonlight, snowflakes dancing in the sky,
That is all you remind me of.

Looking afar,
Shall I compare thee to a glorious morning glow?
Approaching ahead,
Thou art more daring, pure as the driven snow.

PS: Due to the distinct and inevitable cultural differences, I chose to prioritize the need of delivering the feeling and emotion of the poem. Therefore, I dismissed some metaphors which cannot be understood by western readers anyway. Instead, I referred to some expressions of western poets like Shakespeare.

刘芳雨 0213701021
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周琨杰 -
翻译：
She wafts up as a startled swan, with her dress billowing like a wandering dragon.
She sparkles as a blooming chrysanthemum, with her waist wiggling like a flourishing conifer.
She flickers as clouds swim across the moon, with her hair fluttering like a breezing snowflake. Admiring from the distance, she shines as the rising sun out of dark; gazing at a close range, she dazzles like a blossoming lotus out of lake.

In the original text, Cao Zhi depicted Goddess Luo with many adjectives and nouns, which is commonplace in ancient Chinese poems or articles. However, verbs are more popular in the ancient western poems or articles when describing a specific scenery. If we adhere to the usage of nouns and adjectives when translating this poem, foreign readers may fail to comprehend the essence of it. Therefore, I selected some verbs and nouns to visualize the sensational beauty of Goddess Luo in my translation. “翩” and “婉” depicted the graceful movement of Goddess Luo. To detail her movement, I chose “waft” and “billow” to help readers to conceive a more realistic picture of it. Besides, I used “dress”, “waist” and “hair” to portray the image of Goddess Luo.When it comes to the poem’s format, I changed the four-character idioms in my translation by blending two four-character formats into one sentence because more details were added. In the second part, I imitated the format because the original text contains adequate details of Goddess Luo.

In a word, I think， for amateur translator like myself， the translation of Chinese poem should be flexible (especially for amateur translator like myself) so that foreign readers can better understand the meaning of the poem instead of the format. I also think some indigenous elements such as chrysanthemum and conifer should be kept when translated, which can remain exotic and mysterious to foreign readers.
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洪安楠洪安楠 -
She is lithe like the astonished swan goose, is gentle like the swimming dragon. She is brilliant like the chrysanthemum in the autumn, and is gorgeous like the pine tree in the spring. Her hairs are like the light clouds which cover the moon, her skirt is like the circling snow which fly in the wind. Watching her far away, she is bright like the sun where morning glow shine; seeing her closely, she is elegant like the lotus which grows from the green wave.
洪安楠 0213701088
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刘若琪 -
Her silhouette,
Delicate as a startled swan, flexible as a roaming dragon;
Her appearance,
Bright as a chrysanthemum blossoming in autumn, vernal as a pine blooming in spring；
Her manner,
Gentle as the moon hidden by the drifting cloud, changeable as the snowflake blown by the wind;
Her temperament,
Glorious as the rising sun seen from afar, pure as the lotus flower stared up close.

刘若琪 0213700969
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杨佳琦杨佳琦 -
Her posture is light, like a startled swan, and graceful, like a dragon flying in the sky.
Her face is radiant like a chrysanthemum in the autumn, and the body is as luxuriant as a pine in the spring breeze.
She appears and disappears like the moon hidden in the clouds, and floats and drifts like wind and snow.
Look from a distance: She shone like the sun rising from the morning mist.
Come closer and observe: She is as gorgeous as a lotus above the green waves.

杨佳琦 0213701085 日语口译
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陈安妮陈安妮 -
She moves trippingly like a flying swan,
Gracefully, like a mermaid drifting in the sea.
All that’s best of autumn blossoms and spring trees,
Meet in her glowing aspect and her voluptuous figure.
Her silhouette is as vague as the moon behind a light mist,
As untouchable as snow in the whirling wind.
Seen from afar, she is the sun rising from rosy clouds;
Closer, she is the lotus flower surrounded by green waves.

陈安妮 0213700950
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潘虹羽潘虹羽 -
graceful as a fluttering swan goose, gentle as a swimming dragon.
Radiant as chrysanthemums under the autumn sun, the body luxuriant as pine in the spring breeze.
Her vague appearance is like a cloud gently covering the moon, the image of floating like a wind blowing whirling snowflakes.
From a distance, it is bright and white as the rising sun in the morning glow. Close up, it is bright and dazzling as lotus flowers in a clear pool of water.
潘虹羽 0213701139
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贾钧涵贾钧涵 -
Her figure is as elegant as a swan,
as graceful as a dragon.
A blooming chrysanthemum in the autumn days,
a flourishing pine in the spring breeze.
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
restless as the snow whirled by driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance:
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Press closer to examine:
She flames like the lotus flower topping the waves.
贾钧涵 0213700948
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罗亚曼 -

Gracefully, she acts like a flying goose; 

Elegantly, she moves like a swimming swan. 

Her glowing beauty, charming as peony under the spring sunshine;

Her ideal posture, as upright as the pine tree in the spring breeze.

Mysterious, she resembles the thin clouds hiding the moon;

Light, she resembles the falling snowflakes in the wind. 

Examined from afar, she is as divine as the morning sun rising from rosy clouds; 

Appreciated closely, she is as lovely as the refreshing lotus blooming in the water.


0213700995   罗亚曼


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卢雨欣卢雨欣 -
Her figure is elegant, soars lightly as the startled swan,
Also gracefully, like the swimming dragon.
Her charming glory brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum,
Her shapely shape is more luxuriant than the pine in spring;
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Appreciate from afar;
She is the first rays of the rising sun from morning mists;
Close to her;
She is the lotus flower topping the green wave.
姓名：卢雨欣 学号：0213701089
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许智钦许智钦 -
Her posture light like a nimble swan and graceful like a flying dragon.
Her appearance radiant like the Autumn chrysanthemum,
and her stature well-shaped like the Spring pine.
Her image vague as the clouds cover the moon,
and her body floating as the breeze whisk the snowflake.
Looked from afar, she’s flawless like the sun rising in the dawn;
Gazed from near, she’s gorgeous like a lotus blossoming among the waves.
姓名：许智钦 学号：0213701050
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徐浪徐浪 -

Luoshen, who brims over with enduring beauty, sails like a white swan that bathes in the moonlight, that slides in a snowy day. The mere sight of her, even from a distance, possesses me with hopes and joy that can usually be felt only in sunrise. Whenever I am fortunate enough to appreciate her closely, I am always thrilled by her purity that can even take the shine off a lotus flower. 


姓名：徐浪   学号：0213701025

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闫一萱闫一萱 -
She dances trippingly, like an elegant swan,
and she Swims like a mermaid drifting in the sea.
she appears in the dark like the moon hiding behind drifting clouds,
floating and dancing like a snowflake swirling in the wind.
Her silhouette is as vague as the moon behind a light mist,
As untouchable as snow in the whirling wind.
Seen from afar, she is the sun rising from rosy clouds;
Closer, she is the lotus flower surrounded by green waves.
She is the lotus newly coming into blossom
Charms me with her loveliness.

闫一萱 0213701097
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朱之蒙朱之蒙 -
Her body soars lightly like an elegant swan,
Gracefully, like a flying phoenix,
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum,
In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring;
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Light as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Seen from afar;
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Get closer to observe:
She flames like the lotus flower topping the spring river.
姓名：朱之蒙 学号：0213701078
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陈陈 -
Graceful as a swan spreading her wings, light as a dragon swimming in his sky.
Radiant as a shining autumn chrysanthemum, lush as a swaying spring pine.
Like the moon hidden by a light cloud, there she appears and fades away.
Like the snow whirled by a light air, there she floats and drifts away.
From a distance, her figure like the morning sun rising in rosy glow;
From close up, her figure like a newborn lotus blooming among green ripples.

In my humble opinion, despite all the aspects mentioned by classmates, the beauty of the Chinese original also lies in the rhythm of the language. So in this version I tried my best to regenerate it in English. Hopefully it works:)

陈碧波 0213700016
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杨哲婧杨哲婧 -
I think a part of the translation is good, but some expressions are not proper. For example, "蔽" is translated into "mantle" and "迫而察之" is translated into "press closer to examine".

Lightly, she is like a swan, gracefully, she is like a dragon in flight.
She is brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum, more flourishing than the pine in spring.
Dim as the moon in filmy clouds, restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
From a distance, she sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists,
moving closer, she flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

杨哲婧 0213701002
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林志颖林志颖 -

Her body soars lightly like a startled swan,
Gracefully, like a dragon in flight,
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum,
In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring;
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance;
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Press closer to examine:
She flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.


it’s too difficult for me.

林志颖 0213701138

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李嘉胜李嘉胜 -
She dances lithely like a startled swan,
Soars, like a dragon in flight,
She shines brighter than the blonde chrysanthemum,
Blooms, more flourishing than the spring pine;
Never she stays as the moon concealed in filmy clouds,
Floats as snow whirled by the restless wind.
Far away she sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Look closer she flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

李嘉胜 0213701057
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陆晓昱陆晓昱 -
She has a shape of a startled swan and moves like a swimming dragon.
The autumn chrysanthemum in full bloom do not compare with her glow,.
The pine in spring breeze is inferior to her gesture.
Flickering like the dim moonlight, floating like the snow carried by the wind.
Overlooked is she bright as the rising sun by the morning glow.
Closely observed is she luminous as the blooming lotus in the green wave.

0213701108 陆晓昱
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陈子盈陈子盈 -

Her figure like a startled swan flowing lightly,

a gentle loong gliding gracefully,

As glowing as elegant autumn chrysanthemum,

As vibrant as the pine in spring breeze;

Looms as the moon veiled in dim clouds,

Drifts as the snow dancing in whirling winds.

Viewed from afar,

Brighter than the rising sun in rosy dawn;

Observed closer,

Fresher than the lotus blooming among the green wave.


陈子盈 0213801585


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姜子梁姜子梁 -
Her body sways like a flying swan,
Softly, like a swimming fish in water.
With her brilliant face blooming and vitality thriving,
Neither autum chrysanthemum nor spring pine can eclipse.
In filmy clouds she appears from time to time,
In snowy flakes she swirls puff by puff.
Peer from a far distance, she sparks as a rising sun in morning glow.
Gaze closer to appreciate, she shines as a pristine lotus flower out of green wave.

姜子梁 0213100942
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钱婧旖 -
She is very light and elegant, like birds and dragons.
Her appearance is more brilliant than the chrysanthemums in autumn and embraces more vitality than the pine trees in spring.
It's like clouds covering the moon, like snowflakes flying in the wind.
From a distance she looks like the colorful clouds with the rising sun, from the near she looks like the lotus standing in the clear water.

钱婧旖 0213701113
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李飞彤李飞彤 -
She dances like a swan, so gracefully that I would like to join
with my arms encircling her slim, supple charms.

She can be demure as a bright chrysanthemum,
while also vigorous just as twigs streching out the garden.

A breeze puffes her chiffon dress,
which seems like the nebulous veil of the moon, or a snowflake capering in the air.

Each of the encounters with her
conjures a breathtaking sunrise, an adorable lotus standing in lucid water, or any other spectacularity of the nature.

李飞彤 0213701054
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陈学斌陈学斌 -
The figure was flying like a soaring swan.
The movement was enchanting like an elegant mermaid.
The skin was glowing like a chrysanthemum in the autumn sunlight.
The body was thriving like a pine waving to the spring breeze.
She showed up time after time like the filmy cloud covering up the face of the bright moon.
She moved again and again swiftly like the wind whirling up the snow.
Seeing from afar, she was shining like the gorgeous sunrise.
Coming closer, she was blossoming like the delicate lotus.
0213700959 陈学斌
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汤晓文汤晓文 -
Light and flexible,
plump and graceful,
dancing like a swan,
she glows like the moon with mist,
flutters freely at whim.
From afar, she shines like the rising sun;
nearby, she blooms like a new lotus.
0213700994 汤晓文
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袁霞袁霞 -
The Original translation of the segment quoted from Ode to the godness of River Luo showed in the class is as follows (by Burton Watson):

“翩若惊鸿，婉若游龙。
Her body soars lightly like a startled swan.
Gracefully, like a dragon in fight.
荣曜秋菊，华茂春松。
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum.
In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring.
仿佛兮若轻云之蔽月，飘飖兮若流风之回雪。
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
远而望之，皎若太阳升朝霞；
Gaze far off from a distance, she sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists.
迫而察之，灼若芙蓉出渌波 。
Press closer to examine: she flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.”

Since some images in Chinese and west culture may remind different sense and metaphors, some pieces in this translation may not arouse any sense of beauty. For example, A startled swan may remind the image of a panicked look, and the dragon in west culture is the symbol of evil and malice. And the chrysanthemum may recall mourning and grief for westerners.

Then I started to search the internet for a better translation. As I can find, the following text is another version. I think it’s a better one by using some positive description like brilliant, gorgeous.

“Her shape is like the astonished swan goose and is gentle like the swimming dragon.
She is brilliant like the chrysanthemum in the autumn, and is gorgeous like the pine tree in the spring.
Her hairs are like the light clouds which cover the moon
Her skirt is like the circling snow which flies in the wind.
Watching her far away, she is bright like the sun where morning glow shine.
Seeing her closely, she is elegant like the lotus which grows from the green wave.”

Then I found the Translation adapted by Yu zhiying ; release date: jan. 1, 2020. Although there are only some pieces, but I think it really is a better one.
“She is as elegant as a startled swan and supple as a swimming dragon
She dazzles like the sun rising in the morning…she’s as luminous as the lotus that grows in the shallows.”

You can see that, the same images like swan dragon are used in Yu zhiying’s translation, but using the word “ elegant, supple” , she gives us a more positive emotion of these image.
Instead of the literal translate of chrysanthemum, the author simplified it just as “She dazzles like the sun rising in the morning”.
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程思程思 -

Graceful like a fluttering swan, elegant like an ancient flying bird;

Outshining imperishable flowers, her plump body swings more beautifully than the luxuriant pine;

Dim as the moon veiled in filmy clouds,

Light as the snow whirled by breezy wind.

Looking from afar;

She shines like the morning glow ;

Watching closely;

She sparkles like a lotus flower resting on the wave.

 

There are three obstacles when translating the poem:

 

1. Since “dragon” has different image in English, it’s inappropriate to translate it into the corresponding word, so I change it into “bird”, which also needs improving. I did this because I focus on the ideas the author wants to convey, that is, her body is gentle and flexible like a flying creature in the sky.

2. Chrysanthemums means long expectancy and eternalness in Chinese image, however; in western cultures, they will remind people of funerals. So I feel confused about how to translate this image. Finally, I chose to convey its meaning, and changed it to “imperishable flowers”, which highlights the lasting effect of her beauty.

3. It’s hard to make the poem sounds as beautiful as what it used to be after translation. Literature translation is so hard, especially poem translation. Hope not to do this again. （crying face）

 

高级翻译学院英语笔译一班

程思0213700966


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张宏宇张宏宇 -
The goddess, gorgeous as she is. Her elegant shape makes swan paled in comparison and her graceful posture is unparalleled by a winding snake. Her radiance adds beauty in the season of golden days and her vitality enriches vigor in the season of thriving green. Her figure, sometimes hid from view, resembles a bright moon shrouded in a thin mist or a drifting snowflake in the swirling wind. Behold afar, she shines brighter than the rising sun. Drawing near, she blooms brilliantly like a blossoming lotus.

My translation process is reminiscent of Lakoff and Johnson’s Conceptual Metaphor Theory in which mappings between the source domain and the target domain are the essence of metaphors. Likewise, the beauty of this extract of Ode to the Goddess of River Luo fundamentally lies in the mappings conveyed through images, such as “惊鸿、游龙、秋菊、轻松” used to describe the Goddess of River Luo. I maintain that if the focus is laid on the translation of the source domain and the target domain of the Ode, the translation is more about the comparison between the Goddess of River Luo and those images rather than conveying the true beauty of the Ode. Therefore, the translation of the mappings should be emphasized. Even so, I find the translation of such mappings extremely difficult which requires an in-depth understanding of the mappings, great imagination to visualize those mappings, and mastery in English to translate these mappings into vivid English language. As a result, my inadequate understanding of the mappings, insufficient imagination ability, and poor vocabularies literally fail me to convey the beauty of The Ode. What a shame I am really not able to do that.
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陈悦 -
So swift like a startled swan
So elegant like a swimming Loong
Radiant complexion brighter than flower in autumn
Graceful stature more vigorous than pine in spring
Moon veiled by gauzy clouds
Snowflakes floating in the wind
Shining like sun rising from the glory of dawn when looked afar
Dazzling like lotus flower from green waves when observed closely

陈悦 0213700946
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宋雪婷宋雪婷 -
Her body flutters like a swan,
and she comes gracefully like a dragon in flight.
More glowing than the chrysanthemum in autumn,
more flourishing than the pine in spring,
She appears in filmy clouds from time to time,
and makes the snow whirl when she comes and goes.
From a distance, she sparkles like the rising sun,
From a closer look, she shines like a lotus flower out of the clean waves.
宋雪婷 0213700964
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欧慧敏 -
My rewriting:
Gracefully, she flew like a startled swan goose;
Flexibly, she danced like a swimming Loong.
Her pretty face is shining brighter than autumn blossoms,
Her plump body is more gorgeous than spring trees.
With a vague profile, she is the moon in the filmy clouds;
With a floating figure, she is the snowflake whirled by the breeze.
Watching afar, so glittering as the sun rising from the rosy dawn;
Coming closer, so beautiful as the lotus growing out of the clear water.

It’s my first time to translate an ode. I first search for the background of the ode. Ode to the Goddess of River Luo is written by Cao Zhi, a famous poet from the Three Kingdoms Period. It is believed that the original character of the Goddess of the River Luo in this ode was Zhen Fu, a beautiful imperial concubine of the poet’s elder brother, Cao Pi. Their love story ended with tragedy. And this ode describes the beauty of the goddess and also shows the love and admiration of the poet to her. And then I try to understand every word in the ode and explain them in my own words. 
I think the difficulty of the rewriting lies in the flowing aspects:
1. Understanding of the ode. Since it’s an ode, which is quite different from modern Chinese, it might cause misunderstanding;
2. Finding proper images to convey the original meanings. For example, “秋菊” means chrysanthemum in the autumn which symbolizes prosperity, elegance, and dignity in Chinese culture. While in western culture, it may remind people of funerals; Besides, the dragon in the west is usually evil and wicked, different from the Chinese dragon. So I translate “龙” into “Loong”.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Loong
3. Choosing appropriate adjectives or verbs to describe Chinese words like 轻盈 宛转 丰茂 华美 婀娜 皎洁 艳丽, etc. I think it’s time I should learn more about literary translation.
4. Using the correct format and punctuation of an English poem.

0213700970 欧慧敏 21级英语笔译2班
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朱棋钰朱棋钰 -
She moved as nimbly as a flying swan, and as gracefully as a swimming mermaid.
She looked gorgeous like the few flowers blooming in the autumn cold, and vigorous like a green pine growing in the spring breeze.
In the hazy air, her silhouette was dim like the moon in a cloudy night sky while her body seemed floating like snow whirling in gentle wind.
Looked from afar, she was as radiant as the rising sun over morning clouds.
Appreciated up close, she was as delicate as a newly blooming lotus in clear water.

朱棋钰 0213701011
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谢志浩谢志浩 -
Her body looks as light as a swan’s down,
Supple and graceful as a mermaid.

In splendor brighter than the summer roses;
In bloom more flourishing than the winter redwoods.

So dim as the moon cloaked in the floating cloud;
Or so dynamic as a snowflake whirling in the breeze.

Gazing from afar: she shines like the sun,
rising amid the morning mists.
Approaching to examine: she glistens like a lotus flower
dotting the green wave.

谢志浩
0213700958
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周鸿钰周鸿钰 -
Lightly, like a startled swan,
Gracefully, like a running unicorn,
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum,
In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring;
Dim as the moon veiled by filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance;
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning glow;
Get closer to have a further look:
She flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

I just made slight changes in the rewriting except using “unicorn” to replace “dragon”. But actually, in my opinion, there is no need to find an alternative which may make sense to foreigners. The reason is that, Fu, a kind of Chinese ancient literature, is alien to most of the foreigners. If foreigners read it, it’s likely that they’re interested in Chinese culture or they have to learn Chinese culture. In this condition, they should have some common sense of Chinese traditional culture, which can be learned from annotation. In other words, the English translation of Chinese tradition literature can be the literal translation of its modern Chinese version. Anything that may confuse foreigners can be annotate with the translation. In this case, the translator can explain the symbol of dragon in Chinese culture.

0213701035 周鸿钰
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翟谨睿翟谨睿 -
Graceful as a flying swan, elegant as a mermaid in the deep sea,
Her beauty outshines the daisies in autumn, luxuriant as the pines in spring.
Now hides now appears, she is like the glimmering moon behind the light clouds，
Floating and moving, she is like the fluttering snow whirled in the wind.
Seen from the distance, she shines as the morning glow at dawn,
Appreciating closely, she is as bright and beautiful as the lotus topping the green water.

I think some descriptions and metaphors in the version provided in class are too rigid (like the dragon, the chrysanthemum, the driving wind) and they should be more gentle as the poet was trying to describe a beautiful girl like goddess. The dragon and also the word like “flame” carry the meaning of being evil and derogatory in some sense. I am a little bit not sure of whether it is ok to change some of the images like dragon and mermaid, but in western images mermaid is the most beautiful fairy-tale and kind figure in the deep sea.So I changed some of the words in order to show the beauty of the image and try to convey the beauty, the pleasure and her elegance.

翟谨睿 0213700013
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蒲雨桐蒲雨桐 -

Softly hovers, she is a wild goose into the sky,

Agilely waves, she is the Loong under the sea.

In autumn breeze, chrysanthemum dazzles,

With spring scent, pine trees flourish.

Catch a glimpse of the moon behind floating clouds,

Watch the snowflakes whirl around through shaky blows.

Glancing from afar,

She shines bright, bursting out of the dawn;

Viewing a step behind,

Like vivid lotus, drips quiver as she glows.

0213701012 蒲雨桐
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高伟华高伟华 -
Dancing as a swan in flight, gracefully,
Elegantly as a mermaid in the sea swimming, she is.
Glowing brighter than the blooming rose.
Yet flourishing better than the spring pine;
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds, 
Restless as snow whirled by the coming wind. 
Gazing afar, she being like the sun rising from morning mists;  
Appreciating closer, she being like the lotus flower topping the green wave.
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吴红萱吴红萱 -
Like a swan goose, she dances in a noble gesture and gently moves her body, which seems to be a flying dragon. Her beauty glows like a chrysanthemum in the autumn sun, while her body is as straight as a pine in the spring breeze. Sometimes she disappears transiently just as the moon being sheltered by a cloud, and she moves swiftly in a way like the breeze and slight snow. Her appearance is as spectacular as a rosy clouds of dawn when seeing from a distance, while it is as vigorous as a newly blossom lotus flower when gazing it nearby.

0213100939 吴红萱
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马瑜含马瑜含 -
Her body flutters like a flying swan, graceful as a JiaoLong (a powerful creature in ancient mythology).
Her face is radiant like the chrysanthemum in the autumn sun, and her body is gorgeous like the pine tree in the spring breeze.
She is sometimes hidden like the moon covered by light clouds and floats like the snow drifting back in the wind.
From afar, she looks as bright as the rising sun in the morning glow;
Close up, she looks as florid as the new lotus blooming in the green waves.

I think it’s hard to translate the Chinese beauty showed in the masterpiece. For example, if I translate 龙 into dragon, I will first think of the evil dragon in the west which is different from Chinese loong. So I don’t know how to translate properly.
马瑜含 0213700956
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矫阳矫阳 -
Her body soars lightly like a startled swan,
Gracefully, like a dragon in flight.
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum,
In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring.
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance:
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists
Press closer to examine:
She flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.
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陈晶雨 -
Her figure is graceful and movement light, just like a swan on the lake.
Her cheek is glowing and posture elegant, as if a blossoming rose eclipsing all.
She comes and goes so lissomely, as though a piece of cloud or a breath of wind.
Looking from afar: She shines like the moon in the sky.
Viewing from nearby: She dazzles like a gorgeous lotus flower.

陈晶雨 英语口译 0213701067
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梁司颖 -
Graceful as a flying swan，slender as a winding dragon；
Her grace would put the blooming chrysanthemum to dim, the stately pine to shame；
Mysterious as the moon in the filmy cloud,
Restless as the snowflakes in the heavy wind；
From afar, she glows as the first ray of the rising sun,
Up close, she flames as the water lotus topping the green wave.

梁司颖 英语口译2班 0213701019
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俞新晗俞新晗 -
Shall I compare thee to a transcendental creature, a tundra swan , or a fleeting snake.
Or shall I compare thee to a glance in the forest, more stunning than the last blossom in autumn, or the first pine tree that began to spit bud in spring.
When an insubstantial cloud moves across the moon, and a gentle wind tilted the snowflakes, I think of no one but thee.
I see thee from afar, how could I not, because thee shine bright like the sun and the crowd cannot dim your light.
Then I try to approach, only to find a lovely, dewy maiden. Oh my love is like a water lily floating in the river.
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徐瑞璇 -
Her silhouette is as light as a swan flying away,
as graceful as a wandering flood dragon.
Her face is as bright as a chrysanthemum shining in autumn day.
Her figure is as plump as a pine standing still in spring breeze.
Flickering, she reminds me of moon hiding behind thin clouds.
Fluttering, she is just like snow swirling through the whirlwind.
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张奕琳张奕琳 -
She is a beautiful butterfly floating by,
an elegant swan flying in the sky.
Her face is as radiant as the sunflower fully blossoming in the summer;
Her figure is as well-developed as the tree growing well in the spring.
She drifts in and out of sight like the moon behind the shifting clouds;
She moves swiftly like the whirling snow in the strong wind.
From a distance, she is as bright as the sun rising at dawn;
Close up, she is as glorious as the lotus in full bloom in the sparkling lake.

张奕琳 0213700979
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阮敏芝阮敏芝 -
Graceful as a swan goose spreading its wings
or a winding snake flying in the air,
she is glowing like the glittery chrysanthemum in autumn,
plump like the luxuriant pine in spring.
She is mysterious like the moon drifting around the light clouds;
She is dainty like the snow whirling with the wind.
From afar, she looks bright as the sun rising in the sunset;
Getting close, she looks pretty as the hibiscus emerging from the straining waves.
阮敏芝 0213700965
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佘子晨佘子晨 -
Graceful as the flitting swan and dancing dragon,
Her beauty shines like the chrysanthemum beneath the autumn sun.
Her figure is as elegant as the pine standing in the spring wind.
Looking at her from a distance, she is as bright and clean as the rising sun in the morning glow; When you get close, she is as effulgent as a new lotus blooming among green waves.

I think when we are translating the classical Chinese, we can at first translate them into modern Chinese and it might be easier to translate the modern Chinese into English. However, it is indeed a shame that the grace of classical Chinese cannot be fully presented in English and I can only translated this beautiful classics in a plain words due to my poor translation ability.

佘子晨 0213700990
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沈子新沈子新 -
like a startled swan, like a dragon in flight. Bright and shining,like a flower blooming in autumn.Appearing and disappearing, as light cloud covering the moon, as the wind blowing the snowflake. From a distance, like the sun rising from morning mists, look closer, she flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

沈子新021370190
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龚晗潇 -
Graceful like a flying swan,
Elegant like a swimming mermaid.
Her radiant face, shiny like blooming roses;
Her buxom body, vigorous like lush pines.
Mysterious, like moon in the misty sky;
Lightsome, like snowflakes leaping in the wind.
See from afar, sparkling like the rising sun;
And then closer, blooming like a new lotus.

龚晗潇 0213700967
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訾佳訾佳 -
She walks in beauty,
So elegant and graceful,
like a startled swan and flying nymph;
Meet on her cheeks and figure,
Glamourous as chrysanthemums in autumn,
Ethereal as pines in spring.

She is the moon chanting behind the clouds;
She is the snow dancing with the wind.

Looking from afar,
Charming as the sun rising in the rosy dawn;
Gazing for long,
Innocent as the lotus blooming in gleaming ripples.


訾佳 0213700973
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陈奇陈奇 -
Her figure is like a flying goose and a swimming dragon,
Bright as blooming autumn chrysanthemum,
Graceful as standing spring pine,
Mysterious she is,
As if the moon obscured by swimming clouds
Or snow flicked in the wind,
From far away, bright as glow crossing morning mists
Up close, charming as the lotus topping in the green wave

陈奇 0213701140
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曾亦诚曾亦诚 -
Her body soars elegantly like a fluttering swan and a flying dragon.

Her complexion appears radiantly like an autumn chrysanthemum and a pine tree that is growing thick in spring.

She is as mysterious as the moon in a cloud. She is as light as a snowflake blown by the wind.

Looking at her from afar, she shines like the rising sun in the morning. Up close, she is as holy as a delicate flower on the ripples of a lake.
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孙梦云 -
Light and slim like swan and dragon,
Radiant and gorgeous like autumn chrysanthemum and spring pine.
She flies in the sky, appearing behind the clouds and moon, just like winds and snowflakes.
Looking up, she's as attractive as the rising sun.
Looking down, she's as beautiful as the budding lotus.
孙梦云 0213700998
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曹艺凡曹艺凡 -
Lithe like swan goose, startled to fly
Restrained like flood dragon, swimming
Aglow like autumn chrysanthemum, shone under sun
Yong like spring pine-tree, unshaken by wind
Vague as thin clouds veil the moon
Easy as gentle wind blows the snow
Seeing from far, she is bright as the new sun born in sunglow
Gazing from near, she is luminous as the lotus floating in the lucid water

曹艺凡 0213701063
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余点余点 -
Like a startled swan, her body soars lightly;
Like a nimble dragon, her body moves gracefully.
Her face beams like chrysanthemum saturating in autumn sunshine;
Her posture straight like pines standing in spring breeze.
Dim as the moon overshadowed by light clouds;
Restless as snow whirled by driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance,
She glows like the sun rising from morning mists;
Press close to examine,
She blazes like the lotus flower rising emerging from grave waves.
余点 0213701041
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许泳欣 -
Luo Shen in Cao’s poem is a goddess of peerless beauty, appearing in front of him like a dream ——

Willowy and exceptionally pretty with fair skin, she looks like a swan spreading its wings;
Subtly and randomly, she moves as thin clouds in the sky drifting;
One can never lose her in a crowd, cuz like the gorgeous sunrise she is so outstanding.

许泳欣 0213701074
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阎雪晗 -
Graceful and elegant,
Her shape is like a flying swan and a swimming dragon;
Brilliant and gorgeous,
She looks like a chrysanthemum in the autumn days and a pine in the spring breeze.
Like the moon hidden by the filmy moon,
She appears intermittently;
Like the snow whirled by the driving wind,
She moves swiftly.
From afar, she is as bright as the sunrise in the morning glow;
Seen closer, she is as elegant as the lotus blooming in clean water.

阎雪晗 0213700987
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Re: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

吴国艳 -

吴国艳 0203701036

My version:

Swift as a hurtling swan goose，

Graceful as a swaying loong，

So glorious that outshines the chrysanthemum in autumn

So radiant that overshadows the pine in spring.

Glinting as the moon veiled in filmy clouds,

Lithe as snowflakes dancing in the breeze.

From afar, she is brilliant like the sun amid the rosy dawn,

Come closer, she is splendid like the lotus flower floating above.

 

Comments:

I have to say translating Chinese classics is such a daunting work for it requires mastery of not only traditional Chinese literature but also English and western cultural aesthetics. Hence, beautiful imagery in Chinese context often loses its vitality and artistry in translation versions. In my opinion, when translating culture-bound imagery, we’d better try to avoid negative associations rather than sticking to the original text in terms of wording.

Therefore, my version of Ode to the Goddess of River Luo focuses mainly on a positive or at least neutral present of certain Chinese imagery. For example, “dragon”is a semantic translation of 龙, but it brings to western readers hostile or dreadful connotation which goes totally against the Chinese original. Therefore, i chose the word “loong”to signify that it's an exotic symbol and meanwhile conform to the pronunciation of the Chinese character. Actually, using “loong”for 龙 in translation has already become an established practice. The famous martial artist 李小龙 is translated as Lee Siu Loong and Singapore’s prime minister 李显龙 is translated as Lee Hsien Loong.

But no matter how hard we try, there could always be untranslatable beauty deeply rooted in the culture of the source language. And maybe that’s why it’s so important to learn a foreign language and to learn in the foreign language.


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高成高成 -
Lithe and nimble, like a swan and dragon;
Glorious and brilliant, like a chrysanthemum and pine;
Coming and going, can’t be traced, a looming moon behind clouds;
Floating and billowing, can’t be caught, a dancing snowflake through the air;
Contemplated so far, a bright sun rising from the rosy dawn;
Gazed so near, a gorgeous lotus standing in the clear water.

高成 0213701049
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谷浩谷浩 -
She is as light and supple as a frightened goose, and as fit and supple as a dragon playing in the air; her face is as sharp and radiant as a chrysanthemum in bloom in autumn, and her youthfulness is as luxuriant as a dense pine in spring; her movements are as unmistakable as a thin cloud gently covering the moon, and her image is as wavering as a snowflake blowing in the wind; from afar, she is as bright and white as the rising sun in the sunset, and from close up, she is as bright and beautiful as a lotus in a clear pond.
谷浩 0213701075
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黄睿黄睿 -
She moves so lightly,
like a startled swan.
Soars so gracefully,
like a dragon in flight.
In splendor,
brighter than autumn chrysanthemum,
in bloom,
putting flourishing pine in spring to shame.
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off,
she sparkles,
like the sun rising from morning mists
Press closer,
She flames,
like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

姓名：黄睿 学号：0213701086
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徐圣明徐圣明 -
Her body moves lightly like swan,
Graceful like a dragon in flight.
Her face, radiant like a chrysanthemum blooming in autumn,
gorgeous like dense pines in spring.
When an insubstantial cloud moves across the moon, and a gentle wind tilted the snowflakes, I think of no one but thee.
I see thee from afar, how could I not, because thee shine bright like the sun and the crowd cannot dim your light.
0213701028 徐圣明
Getting close, she looks pretty as the hibiscus emerging from the straining waves.
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钟子轩钟子轩 -
Her figure was curved by the startled swan, by the swimming dragon. So gentle, so graceful.
She got the face like the chrysanthemum blossoms in the falling autumn; got the youth like the pine striving in the growing spring.
She walked in the setting sun, flickering, swinging. In trance, clouds kissing the moon, winds whisking the snow.
From far, I saw sun rising in the rosy glow; near by, lotus emerging from the limpid flow.
I know that’s her light.
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Re: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

张鑫悦 -
Her silhouette is light like a flying swan,
graceful like a swimming dragon.
Radiant as golden flower under the autumn sun,
luxuriant as pine in the spring breeze.
In walking, she is like the moon behind a light cloud;
In dancing, she is like the swirling snowflake in the breeze.
bright and clean as the rising sun in the morning glow;
fresh and dazzling as the new lotus in the clean waves.

张鑫悦 0203700969
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赵雨秋赵雨秋 -
As graceful as a startled swam,
As beautiful as a swimming dragon.
More gorgeous than autumn chrysanthemum，
And lusher than spring pine.
Her body is lightsome like the moon overspread by filmy clouds,
And her gesture is elegant like the snowflake blew by the wind.
Viewing her at a distance,
She will be shining as the sun rising from morning mists.
Gazing into distance，
She will be beauteous like a lotus flower rosing from the water.

0213701116
赵雨秋
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娄晓君娄晓君 -
She soars lightly like a startled swan,
Gracefully like a swimming dragon.
Brighter than the chrysanthemum in the autumn,
More flourishing than the pine in the spring breeze.
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Looking from a distance,
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
When looking close,
She flames the lotus flower topping the green wave.

娄晓君 0213701120
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Re: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

钟震昊 -
The images of the Goddess are of vital importance so I keep the format of the original version but alter them into Chinese culture-oriented ones. Besides, I chose to select some visions in the rewriting version to meet the requirements of the end rhyme. And here it goes:

Her body soars lightly like a startled swan,
Gracefully, like a flying Chinese loong,
Brighter than the chrysanthemum in nature,
More flourishing than the spring pine in posture;
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the strong breeze.
Gaze far from a distance:
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Examine her closer grace:
She flames like the lotus topping the green wave.

0213100938 钟震昊
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Re: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

CHERKASSKAYA 马丽塔MARGARITA -

There I see a startled swan in her dashing figure,
And such a graceful dragon in its flying vigour.
She makes an autumn chrysanthemum's beauty her glory,
Thriving and shining like a vernal day story.
Even the Moon hides away from the lady's great shadow,
Which dances in swirls with no sense of bravado.
To look from afar: to be caught in her light,
To come oh so close: to feel the wonders of life.

CHERKASSKAYA MARGARITA (马丽塔) 0217409009


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阳彬阳彬 -
Swiftly like a startled swan, elegantly like a flying dragon, she moves;
Bright like a chrysanthemum blooming in the fall, vigorous like a pine flourishing in the spring, she looks.
She is enigmatic, as the moon mantled in the cloud;
She is kinetic, as snow dancing with the wind.
From afar, it feels like she is a rising sun;
To the fore, it seems that she is a fresh lotus out of clear water.

阳彬 0213701009
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邢昕妍 -
As light as a graceful swan fluttering its wings,
As flexible as an elegant dragon wandering in the ocean.
Her complexion outshines the chrysanthemum blooming in autumn,
Her beauty overshadows the pine towering in spring.
Mysterious as the moon veiled in filmy clouds,
Restless as snowflakes whirled by gentle winds.
Watching from afar,
She beams like the sun rising from the horizon,
Looking closely,
She blooms like the lotus floating on green waves.

0213700957 邢昕妍
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季畅宇季畅宇 -
She is as graceful as a flying goose, as graceful as a swimming dragon. She is as radiant as a chrysanthemum in the autumn sun and as lush as a pine in the spring breeze. She appears like a light cloud over the moon, and floats and drifts like a whirlwind of snow. From afar, she is as bright and clean as the rising sun in the sunset; up close, she is as fresh as a new lotus blooming between green waves.
姓名：季畅宇 学号：0213701110
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李秋琪李秋琪 -
Her silhouette is swift as swan goose, graceful as flying dragon;
Aglow as chrysanthemums flourishing in autumn days, dense as pines in the spring breeze.
Drifting in and out of sight, she is like the moon behind shifting clouds;
Floating and moving, she is like a snowflake waving in the wind.
Looking afar, she is as bright as the rising sun amid the rosy dawn;
Gazing closely, she is as florid as the budding lotus out of clear ripples.

李秋琪 0213701033
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阿晓萌阿晓萌 -
Swiftly and elegantly, she moves, like a flapping swan and flitting dragon.
Radiant and vigorous, she looks, like a blooming chrysanthemum and flourishing pine.
How mysterious she is, just like the moon emerging from clouds
How energetic she is, just like the snow dancing with the wind.
From afar, she is as bright as a rising sun in the morning.
To the fore, she is as attractive as a blooming lotus flower in clear water

阿晓萌 0213700996
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冯馨羽冯馨羽 -
Soaring lightly like a startled swan, she danced gracefully like a dragon flying out of its own inclination. With a splendor brighter than the chrysanthemum in autumn, in a bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring. Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds, restless as snow whirled by the driving wind. Gaze far off from a distance, she sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists; Press closer to examine,she flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.
姓名：冯馨羽 学号：0213701066
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马晞茹 -
She,
as light and graceful as a flying swan goose,
as radiant and buxom as a blossom golden flower,
as mysterious as the glimmered moon covered by the mist,
as energetic as the whirling snow driven by the wind,
from afar, shines like the rising sun in the morning glow,
and up close, blushes like a blooming lotus upon the wave.

马晞茹 0213700975
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袁小涵袁小涵 -
Her posture looks like a swiftly fluttering swan goose, or a gracefully swimming golden fish. 
Her face is as radiant as chrysanthemums under the autumn sun, while the body is as luxuriant as a pine blowing in the spring breezes.
Her figure is flickering like the moon covered by light clouds every now and then, floating like a snow swirled by a return wind.
From a distance, she is as bright and clean as a rising sun in a morning glow.
Taking a Closer look, she is as fresh as new lotus growing up on the green waves.
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吴若瑄吴若瑄 -
To portray her figure,
light as a swan,
wings into the sky,
elegant as a dragon,
gone with the wind.
She stood here,
with the glowing face
as chrysanthemums shining under autumn sun.
She stood there,
with a plump shape
as evergreen pines in spring breeze.
She is dimly discernible，
like clouds cover the moon now and then.
She is swiftly floating，
like winds blow the snowflake up and down.
Seen from afar,
she is bright as the rising sun in the morning glow.
And if closer,
she is beautiful as the lotus bloom among clear waves.

吴若瑄 0213700955
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郦若园郦若园 -
Her silhouette, sinuous as a flitting swan,
Graceful as a swimming dragon;
Her face, radiant as golden flowers,
Shining in the autumn sun;
Her figure, luxuriant as green pines,
Standing in the spring wind.

She is the moon dimmed by clouds,
Exuding mysterious beauty ;
She is the snowflake spiraling in the air,
Showing lithe dancing.

From afar,
She is the sun in rosy down;
Up close,
She is the lotus on lucid water.
0213700953 郦若园
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黄思怡黄思怡 -
Swiftly and gracefully, she moves like a shocked swan and a swimming dragon. Radiant and luscious, she looks like fall mums and spring pines. Her shape is as dim as misty moon and as ethereal as blowing snow. From afar, she shines as a rising sun in the morning. Up close, she glows as a lotus flower in green water.

姓名：黄思怡 学号：0213701044
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姜超姜超 -
Her extremly elegant gesture impressed me a lot.
She, with beatiful brows , face and perfect shape, outshines anything in the world.
Dancing and flickering, she reminds me of thin cloud surrounding the moon and snowflakes flowing as the wind.
Looking from afar, glowing like warm sunshine, appreciating in a closer distance, pure as a lotus lying in the water.

姜超 0213701065
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范文君范文君 -
Tripping like an appalled swan, lithe like a swift fish,
Radiant like a blooming begonia in the autumn ,
Chubby like a straight pine in the spring.
Indistinct as the moon covered by light cloud,
Flexible as the snowflake swirling in the wind,
From the distance, as clean and bright as the glowing sun rising from the sunrise,
Nearby, as beautiful and winsome as the lotus growing in the water.
姓名： 范文君 学号：0213100941
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Re: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

YASEEN, OMAR ZEYAD HASANYASEEN, OMAR ZEYAD HASAN -
She is elegant like a floating startled swan, graceful like a roaming dragon.
She shines bright like an autumn chrysanthemum, magnificent like swaying spring pines.
like the clouds that cover the moon, she floats like a snowflake moved by the breeze.
from far away she is brilliant like the ascending sun amongst the rosy clouds of dawn,
up close, she emerges like a bright lotus amongst green waves.
欧迈，学号：0217409002
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张文萱张文萱 -
Lightly, she dances like a swift-winged swan;
gracefully, like a swimming Loong.
Radiantly, she looks like a summer rose/golden flower;
vibrantly, like a spring pine.
Vaguely, she moves like the hazy moon veiled by the filmy clouds;
restlessly, like the ivory snow whirling in the howling winds.
Glanced from afar, she dazzles like the rising sun;
appreciated much closer, she blazes like the blooming lotus embellishing the crystal-clear water.

张文萱 0213100935
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王烁媛王烁媛 -
Her shape was light as that of a startled flying swan goose, and graceful as a swimming dragon. Her face was radiant as an autumn chrysanthemum, with body luxuriant as a pine in spring breeze. She was now seen and then hidden like the moon caged in light clouds, floating like snow whirled in returning wind. Looked at from far away, it was bright and clean as the rising sun in the morning clouds. Looked at close, it was bright as a new lotus blooming between green waves.
王烁媛 0213701125
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范一蕾 -
Her light and graceful posture is like wild geese that take off suddenly and loong swimming in the air. Her radiant face is like autumn chrysanthemum. Her plump body is like spring pine tree. She fades in and out just like moon behind the cloud and also flutters like snowflakes in the wind.
范一蕾 0213701093
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余虹村余虹村 -
Her shape,
light like a flying swan,
elegant like a swimming serpent.
Her apperance,
radiant like a chrysanthemum in autumn,
beautiful like a pine in spring.
From time to time,
she is like the cloud hiding the moon,
she is like the wind blowing the snow.
Gazing afar,
she is the sun rising from the rosy dawn,
Looking near,
she is the lotus getting ready to bloom.

余虹村  0213700972
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佘能轩 -
Her shape was light as that of a startled flying swan goose, and graceful as a swimming dragon. Her face was radiant as an autumn chrysanthemum, with body luxuriant as a pine in spring breeze. She was now seen and then hidden like the moon caged in light clouds, floating like snow whirled in returning wind. Looked at from far away, it was bright and clean as the rising sun in the morning clouds. Looked at close, it was bright as a new lotus blooming between green waves.
佘能轩 0213701076
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Re: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

朱纯玲朱纯玲 -
She is as graceful as a swan goose, as radiant as a sunflower under the sun, as plump as a green pine swaying in the breeze.
Sometimes you can see her but sometimes you can’t, just like the clouds covering the moon.
She floats like the snow flake in the sky.
When you see her in the distance, she's as bright as the sun rising from the sunglow.
When you get closer to see her, she's like a pure lotus in the pond.

朱纯玲 0213701046
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李欣月李欣月 -
Her body light like a startled swan,
Graceful like a dragon in flight,
brighter than the splendid autumn chrysanthemum,
more flourishing than the booming pine in spring;
Dim as the moon hidden in thin clouds,
Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance;
She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists;
Press closer to examine:
She flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

李欣月 0213701031
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رد: Ode to the Godess of River Luo

RAMADAN, MOMEN HAROON RASHIDRAMADAN, MOMEN HAROON RASHID -
The shape of her body is similar to bright startled diamond that like a flying dragon, and graceful as a swimming goose. Her face is radiant as an autumn chrysanthemum, with body luxuriant as a pine in spring breeze. She floats like the snow flake in the sky.,She was now seen and then hidden like the moon caged in light clouds, Snowflakes floating in the wind ,floating like snow whirled in returning wind. Looked at from far away, it was bright and pretty shine as the rising sun in the morning clouds. She flames like the
lotus flower topping the green wave, Looked at close.

穆坚
0217409001


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靳家兴靳家兴 -
Her figure is like a swan goose, graceful like a dragon. Her face is like autumn chrysanthemum, and the body is like spring breeze pine. From time to time, she is like a light cloud covering the moon, floating like a wind and snow. From a distance, she looks like the sun rising in the morning glow; when you come closer, she looks like a new lotus blooming among the blue waves.

靳家兴0213701137
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刘伟刘伟 -
Her body soars lightly like a startled swan, Gracefully, like a dragon in flight.
In splendor brighter than the autumn chrysanthemum, In bloom more flourishing than the pine in spring.
Dim as the moon mantled in filmy clouds,Restless as snow whirled by the driving wind.
Gaze far off from a distance: She sparkles like the sun rising from morning mists; Press closer to examine: She flames like the lotus flower topping the green wave.

刘伟 0213701042
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杨智婷杨智婷 -
Her figure is as graceful as a stirred swan, flapping its wings and skimming the water, and supple as a dragon drifting in the air. Her glowing face resembles roses in bloom and her magnificent physique pine trees in spring. She glimmers in and out of view as the moon shifting among clouds. She roamed here and there as snow floating in the wind. Viewing from a distance, only the brightness of the sun rising from morning mists can compare with her gorgeousness. With a few steps closer, her coruscating loveliness enlivens the scene as the lotus flower newly emerging from the green waves.
姓名：杨智婷 学号：0213701018
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王子瑞王子瑞 -
If she moves, she moves like a flying swan,
If she walks, she walks like a swimming dragon.
She has a glow like autumn chrysanthemum, gorgeous and lush like green pine.
Trance like a light cloud to cover the moon,
floating as gentle as the wind blowing snowflakes.
From afar, her light as the sunrise rose full of clouds,
with a closer look, distinct as hibiscus out of the clear water waves.
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黄睿琪黄睿琪 -
It is in her the grace of a swan, the elegance of a Loong.
She is radiant as an autumn daisy, and plump as a spring pine tree.
As the moon in filmy clouds she appears, as a snowflake into the wind she pirouettes.
From afar, she is the resplendent sun in the morning glow rising; up close, she becomes a rosy blossoming lotus in a pond of green.

黄睿琪 0213700014